Blog,  Essays/Experiences

The Struggles (and Benefits) of Adult Friendships

Everyone tells you that you will not keep in touch with your high school friends after graduation and that you will meet your best friends in university, but I don’t believe that either one of these statements is entirely true.

I do admit that adult friendships are completely different from high school friendships. Making friends is much more difficult in university, because many students don’t want to put the time or effort into maintaining friendships. Friends can therefore be disposable in university, as people can keep them when they’re convenient and discard them when they’re not. I think the rationale behind this is that busy students don’t want to waste their time on someone who they don’t believe is worth it. I also believe that more value is placed on friendships in university, so people have higher standards than they did in high school.

For the reasons listed above, it is much more difficult to make real, lasting friends in university. When I lived in residence in my first year I made some really good friends who I hungout with every day and thought would be my friends for life, but after first year ended we all went our separate ways and are no longer friends. This made me quite sad initially, but I eventually realized that losing friends is a part of life and that I will make more and better friends in the future. After moving off campus, I tried to make friends in class, as that was the only place I could meet people. I made acquaintances in all my classes, but none of these friendships extended beyond the semester, as after the final class most people simply said goodbye and walked away. After a while, I realized that I had to put more effort into making and keeping friends, which has brought me success. I currently have one good friend from university and several from work, and I am extremely happy with that. As a student, I don’t have time to maintain a lot of friendships, so having just a few good friends works perfectly, and it makes me value the friendships so much more.

Having few close friends in Vancouver also makes me value my high school friendships more than ever. When I first came to university I couldn’t wait to make new friends, but after losing touch with all of my friends from first and second year, I had a newfound appreciation for the people that stuck by me through the years. Now, I can’t wait to go home and see my high school friends, because even after all this time, they are still here for me. We may not keep in touch all the time, but they are always eager to get together and catch up. I know now that my high school friends are some of my best friends and that I will be friends with them for life, which alleviates worries about finding and losing friends here.

Adult friendships have drawbacks and benefits. They are harder to find and easier to lose than high school friendships, but they are also easier to maintain once you acquire them, as you do not need to talk or see each other constantly and can just get together occasionally to make up for it. Adult friendships are also more important and valuable, because everyone is so busy with school and life that they only keep the friends that they know are worth it. You may have fewer friends as an adult, but I guarantee that they will be the closest friends you have ever had.


  • Jenny

    Hey Tessa!

    I just wanted to say this was a great post!

    It really resonated with me, and I definitely feel like I should appreciate my high school friends more like you do 🙂

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